[If you don’t have the time to read, just watch the videos.]

How would you describe a good person? Are you one? I worry sometimes I’m not but I pretend to be one or really try hard to be one. Unsettling, to say the least, because I have so many flaws seen and unseen.

Over these many years I have met with bereaved families to learn about the person who died in order to speak about the loved one in the service as being made in the image of God, reflective of who God is. 

    And families inevitably described their loved one with mostly these two words in various degrees and with their stories:

Kind. Generous.

When you think about it, most funeral services probably are celebrations of kindness and generosity. That’s what a “good person” is. And to say an individual and a group “Thank You” to the person who died and to God who created that person in His image and likeness and was kind and generous to us in that gift.

    It’s sad when a family cannot for various reasons speak about any kindness or generosity.

What does this mean for our living?

When you think about the best persons in your own life, I’m betting that those two words would rise to the top.

                                  Kind. Generous.

I noted that people said that about my own parents, especially my father when I went on sales calls to his customers.

He never put anyone down, never had an ill word to say about another. And never treated anyone badly. His customers, employees, and competitors admired him. He was such a kind man, all would say.

Just around Hawai`i statehood time, he opened a retail outlet Biltmore Apparels for his Hawaiian garment factory Lauhala Sportswear Inc. at the once-Waikiki Biltmore Hotel (built in 1955, demolished in 1974 and replaced by the Hyatt Regency Waikiki) and he placed there to watch over the store one of his designers—Judy Peterson. Judy was from Australia and had designed his bikini line.

Judy’s Remarkable Story

Judy shared with our family that when she had misplaced and lost a day’s cash receipts of almost $1,000 and her great grief about that—and then unimaginable relief that my father had said in so many words, “Never mind. It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.” And smiled.

He didn’t fire her. He didn’t punish her. He continued to trust her.

She never forgot my father’s kindness and generosity. She had to share it with us and others. She got better than she deserved.

The opposite

When you think about your worst moments in your life, which you may feel somewhat guilty about, you remember when you were unkind in some way, when you were not generous with love, forgiveness, information, or didn’t give a genuine and heart-felt Thank You.

Our best selves

Your best moments? When you were kind and generous and gave a genuine Thank You.

Why are Thank You’s so important? (We even have a national holiday for Thank You’s!)

Thank You’s say that you didn’t presume or take for granted someone’s kindness or generosity. And that’s why Thank You’s are so important. You didn’t expect that kindness or generosity. You got better than you deserved quite possibly.

A Sorry Look Back for Me

One of my worst moments was right after college when I started working for dad full-time at his factory, Lauhala Sportswear, Inc. I fired a fairly new bookkeeper in my dad’s office for not being able to balance the company’s bank accounts which she had several weeks to do. I stayed late one evening and did the job in just four hours.

    She came in that next morning at 7:30 a.m. and I fired her by 7:40 a.m. without any warning, without any questions, without any compassion, without any offered extended probationary period. She even suggested that I could have taught her, coached her, but didn’t. Her firing may have been justified but not in the manner I terminated her.

    I treated her like a thing, not a person. We were created to love persons and use things. After all these years I still remember her first name.

                LOVE PERSONS, USE THINGS.

                Not, LOVE THINGS, USE PEOPLE.

Today, many terminated people come back with guns to kill their bosses and co-workers. “You didn’t treat me like a human being, a person,” they are quite possibly saying.

Up through my twenties, my mind and heart were not like my father’s mind and heart.

My father had always been kind and generous with all us kids too. It should have been an automatic thing for me to be kind and generous.

    But I wasn’t. I didn’t see how I got better than I deserved. I presumed on his kindness and generosity. After all, I was his kid.

What kindness and generosity requires

You see, if you received kindness and generosity, then you pass it on.

    Sometimes I have to catch myself, “What would my dad do?”

    Always we must ask, “What would Jesus do?” After all, he came to show the kindness and generosity of God.

New Habits

Today, when I ride TheBus I try to sit in the front near the driver. When someone boards TheBus without sufficient funds, or lost or had an expired transfer, I pay for that person. They (s/he) are so touched that they want to know my name. We meet.

And I always make conversations with those around me. Tourists these days catch TheBus alot. Helps me to get out of any grumpiness or funk or a critical spirit.

Here’s how kindness can occur in simple wonderful ways we can practice ourselves.

We have all been recipients of God’s kindness and generosity. And having received God’s kindness and generosity, we say, “Thank You, God. I got better than I deserved.” And to pass it on.

That’s what it means to be “born again,” to “receive Christ our Savior,”—we say, “Thank you, God!” It’s as basic as that. It’s that simple. We tend to make it more complicated, and set up a sort of “rule book.” No. It’s just a big Thank You, God! It’s a new path we take, a path of kindness and generosity.

Basically, we’re saying, “I got better than I deserved.” The theological word is “grace.”  The vernacular word is, “lucky.”

Thank You.

I eventually said a Thank You to my father when I was around 40. You may have read about it in a past Musing. Didn’t? Click here to read again.

When I think of my wife Betty, I got better than I deserved in her kindness and generosity and in choosing to marry me over 50 years ago. Or my children and grandchildren, ditto. I thank them. And I thank God for them. And to give them kindness and generosity in any way I can. It’s one of the main reasons why I try to keep my big yard trimmed and raked, so that the kids can play, ride their bikes, or the parents can have an outdoor barbecue for their friends.

And all the churches I’ve served. Ditto.

When I retired from Central Union Church in 2008, the church leaders wanted to give me a retirement party to say Thank You. I declined a retirement party because I felt honored and privileged to serve Central Union for those eight years. I was thankful to them. I just asked for a fried rice lunch after the 11:30 Contemporary Worship service which I was leading.

On hindsight, we could have made it a Mutual Thank You Party. Shucks. Now I know better. This is one of the lessons Oprah learned from Maya Angelou:

This past Memorial Day, Betty and I went to Diamond Head Memorial Park to place the leis Betty made from flowers in our yard that she planted, grew and nurtured and to say again our Thank You to my mom and dad entombed there, and also to my Uncle Yun Fong Ching and Aunty Kay who practically gave us the beautiful and large lot (a double lot, almost 14,000 sq. ft.) with the 7 mango trees on the corner of Kalanianaole Highway and Nenue Street. It was better than we deserved. (They said that I as a pastor would be the least able to purchase a home on our own and that’s why they were selling the house so cheaply on an Agreement of Sale).

Passing It On

I put out mangos on the curb for people to take during mango season as my Thank You to Uncle and Aunty and to God. Sometimes people knock on the door to say Thank You. I give out tangerines to people when I go to the beach or at bus stops. I take the time to keep people inspired and motivated through my writings. I want to teach the Chinese people in Shanghai about kindness and generosity in my seminar “Be The Best At Love You Can Be,” and I do it on my own dime (if you would like to help, thank you! Call me 808-224-8810, or email ronfkching@me.com but internet does give me trouble sometimes).

If you were kind and generous to me and didn’t receive or feel any gratefulness, or say to you Thank You, I apologize.

It’s not right —pono—to not acknowledge kindness and generosity of others to you. It’s what causes splits in organizations and in families and in marriages. A fellow business consultant told me about a family business in which one of the siblings never acknowledged his own and primary role in the failure of the business, and never acknowledged the kindness and generosity of the family members in not placing any blame or ever bringing it up although he was totally blameworthy, did not apologize to the siblings, and not even a thank you for their kindness and generosity. It’s no wonder they are not a close family today, the consultant said. Family businesses can be the pits, many experts acknowledge—but doesn’t have to be.

How do the best family businesses succeed generation after generation? Mainly by imitating the founder and his kindness and generosity - see Forbes article here.

The writers of Scripture were very realistic. St. James wrote, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”

Sins? That’s a bold and harsh word for “shortcomings.” And we all have them. Romans 3:23 and Romans 6:23

And “pray for one another?” That’s huge.

Summary:

1 - Practice and teach kindness and generosity which is the summary of St. Paul’s teaching on love in I Corinthians 13:4-8 click here. And model it.

    And what about Jesus’ teaching?

2 - Practice and teach Thank You’s. Here’s my message on thanks from last November click here.

3 - Practice and teach Transparency and Vulnerability by confessing faults to one another. This might lead to real acceptance and better teamwork, `ohana (family)!

4 - Practice and Teach how To Receive Thanks with graciousness and kindness, and — generosity.

5 - Practice and Teach How to Receive Rejections because we will all have them. Watch: (this is funny!)

And you can overcome anything (this is inspiring and motivating):

And to realize people come into our life for a reason:

Thank you, God, for the people in my life and what I’ve learned from them or was able to do for them or to teach them once I learned better about how to be a good person!

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China: The Adventure 2014. Are you regretting that you couldn’t make any of my previous China trips? These optional 1-2-3-4 week trips (adapt to your schedule) are an amazing introduction to China. I’m hoping to do training seminars for pastors and churches on How To Be The Best in Love (What The Church Should Be All About!) in October-November in some major cities like Shanghai, Beijing, Shandong, Chengdu, Kunming. There’s tourist stuff as well and you will see things that ordinary commercial tours don’t take you on. Plus meet a lot of great people! If interested but not able to commit at the present time, that’s OK. I just need to know of your interest. Click here to be updated.

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